EBay/Script
'Opening Sequence' :Amir: Gimme a J! :Jake: No time to spell my name. :Amir: Okay, I was spelling my name. :Jake: Then you were wrong. :Amir: Ah. Episode :Jake: Hey dude! :Amir: (Singing to the tune of Hey Jude) Hey dude, don't make it brr! (not knowing the words) :Jake: Yeah what's up? What are you doing? :Amir: I'm just settling this area, making sure that everything is like... under... control... :Jake: Sure sure, that's cool. Hey uh, quick question: (yelling) where the fuck is my stuff? :Amir: (taking off earphones) Huh? :Jake: You were not wearing those a second ago. :Amir: Sorry? :Jake: My desk is empty, alright? Everything is gone. :Amir: 'Ooooh, yeah! ''(laughs) :'''Jake:'' (laughs)'' :Amir: Have you ever heard of eBay? :Jake: Yes. :Amir: It's like an electronic bay... :Jake: I said I heard of it. Did you sell my stuff on eBay? :Amir: No. Well, I tried to. Def tried to. Tried to get some big players, big things, lots of bucks. Almost sold your computer for 10K. Split two ways, how does that sound? :Jake: How much would that be? :Amir: (streches his mouth's corners as to show unconfidence) :Jake: You know, never mind. If you didn't sell my stuff, where is it? :Amir: Well, at first I didn't sell it, true. But then, lowered the price, you know. (Begins speaking in British accent) Sans reserve, no reserve, got lots of more fishies, reeled a couple in, made some deals. :Jake: Okay, so earlier when you said you didn't sell my stuff on eBay... :Amir: Oh yeah yeah, I meant like, the prices were so low I was practically giving them away. So it was like... it was like a steal, you know? :Jake: 'Yeah, it was a steal. You stole it from me. :'Amir: Sure, stole it and sold it brotha, I mean it's highway robbery, you know? What are we even arguing about anymore? I can't even remember! :Jake: I guess it's not an argument if you're just admitting everything. :Amir: (rubbing hands) Alright, problem-o solved-o! :Jake: Okay, it's still not, I don't have any stuff! :Amir: Alright, will you just go through your day like you normally would and then, if you happen to stumble upon a problem we'll take it from there, we'll cross that river when we get to it, okay? :Jake: Almost sounds logical, but right off the bat I have no damn computer to turn on. :Amir: 'Alright, ''right off the bat you usually get some water before you turn your computer on, so it doesn't look like you're stumbling through your day like you normally would, right? :'Jake: '''Fine, I'll get some water. ''(stands up) :(black screen with text: '30 SECONDS LATER') :'''Jake: (coming back with a glass of water, noticing a computer on his desk) Okay... What? :Amir: (winks and makes a sound with his mouth) :Pat: Where the hell is my computer? :Amir: (whispering towards Jake) We're in the clear! (winks and makes the sound with his mouth) :Sarah: Oh, Amir stole it and put it on Jake's desk. :Amir: ''(whispering towards Jake)'' No way he's believing that.'' (makes the sound with his mouth once more)'' :Pat: I heard that. :Amir: (whispering towards Jake) No way. (makes the sound with his mouth several times) :Sarah: Are you okay? :Amir: (shakes his head)